"My emotion makes me hate myself"

Why he mean so much to me? Even though he doesn't care about me.I miss him so much.I'm dying inside because of wanting him.Depression,Loneliness and Hopelessness tearing my heart and soul.I know he will never be mine..But my love for hi wrapped me up that's why it's hard to let him go out of my life..I FEEL SO STUPID and CRAZY..I can't sleep at night,looking at the star and wishing.I always thinking of him..Feels like no tomorrow to come.."My emotion makes me hate myself".It's my heart fault..I let myself fall.This is really bad..I wish he knew..